Field notes from an experience designer

Hello Reader,

Fear is a strange dream we need to wake ourselves up from.

I’ve been rubbing my crusty eyes recently, stumbling to the kitchen to make a matcha latte as the morning light hits my rosemary plant.

A year ago, a tarot card reader gave me a mantra that created a shift: I, Pia Leichter, ask the universe to allow me to recognize opportunities to do what I love and become wildly successful, deeply fulfilled, and filthy, stinking rich.

Allow me to recognize opportunities connected like a punch from an overweight gorilla.

They’re already here.

I’ve been working with that mantra ever since. Every time I catch myself gripping, controlling, and fearful, trying to push my way into certainty or safety, I lean back and see what’s already here. Turns out, everything.

When I stopped needing life to deliver exactly what I wanted like the "everything bagel with the bread pulled out toasted with a smear of vegetable cream cheese" I'd order while studying at NYU (and yes, I put on weight), and received what was being given, my energy shifted.

I leaned back and got curious instead of leaning forward, chomping at the bit, eyes squinting, focus narrowed. I saw what was to the right and left of me, what was above and below. I trusted enough to slow down.

My aperture widened, revealing opportunities in both couture and normcore.

But just seeing the opportunities doesn’t make them stop and take our hand, skipping merrily into the sunset.

If we’re unable to receive opportunities, they won’t materialize.

There are two parts to this.

One: I’ve found opportunities often show up in different outfits than we expected, so they’re not easily recognizable. They waltz in with a crop top, messy bun, and turquoise nails, snapping Bubblicious, and pass us right by.

When we get fixed on a specific outcome, we miss what’s here, walking toward us.

Two: We need to be able to receive them.

Sometimes, the state of striving, of trying to get, becomes known, habitual, and comfortable - the song is on repeat. We forget how to receive what’s already here (aka life).

We don’t often celebrate where we are, what it took to get us here, and what is here right now. Or allow ourselves to luxuriate in the present moment - to receive the sun as it draws freckles on the bridge of our noses, to taste the peach, to breathe deeply, and to allow ourselves to just be.

Also, receiving can be hard. It’s easier to give. We need to know we’re worthy of receiving — all of it. Hand scooping cake and shoving crumbling chocolate into our mouths. That it’s safe to slow down and receive.

This requires trust. Not that we'll get the narrow definition of what we want, but that what we get serves us. That it's all here and on its way. We can show up, let go and receive.

I’ve been practicing this since I launched Kollektiv Studio.

After launching, it took years for the tightness in my chest to slacken, the worry about money to loosen, and for me to realize how wound up I was about not knowing where it would come from.

I created evidence that I wouldn’t die. I’d get what I needed. This loosened fear and I spat that phlegm out.

I’m showing myself I can create a sense of freedom and safety within, that I can build a creative business with ease and joy. Sure, I might get anxious and fearful every now and then, but it passes and doesn’t return with the same frequency or intensity.

When I stopped trying to force a clear definition of what I did, I saw the creativity and coaching dots connect. I leaned back and got curious about what was coming my way (wait? I can do that? I can lean back and work will come my way? No shit).

I love what’s coming through: more creative opportunities in shapes and forms I couldn’t have molded on my own, from a spoken word album to a fractional creative director role. That’s what happens when I get out of my own way.

I’m creating evidence, receipts printing, that shows me there’s another way of doing this thing called life.

Leaning back, ease filling within, turned up the volume on my intuition. I can feel her loud and clear. The more I listen, the louder she gets. The less airtime I give that fearful, anxious, protective voice, the quieter it becomes.

So now, I’m moving differently with life. Or at least, I’m practicing. Recognizing opportunities, following the pull of my gut, stumbling forward, and receiving life as it is, right here, right now.

My recent trip to Bali helped. When I was about to buy the tickets, sitting on the couch with Teddy, my husband, laptop warming my thighs, I was unsure whether to book a two or three-week trip.

I'd been working hard on the book for almost two years while building the studio and needed a proper break.

“This is exactly why you started your own business - to have the freedom to do this. Take three weeks. It’s not even a debate.” He was right.

Fear got caught in my engine, and I had to untangle it and throw it back to sea.

I practiced hardcore in Bali. That first week was an unhooking from doing. Leaning into my desires and intuition. Allowing myself to receive life.

A month before, I saw an energy worker, and she said, “All you need to do is prepare to receive.” At the time, I wondered what that meant. How do I prepare to receive? The answer became obvious: Practice receiving now.

Receive the time off, the warm sandalwood incense breeze, the book I devoured (Flesh by David Szalay - highly recommend), being on the back of a scooter in crazy traffic, getting caught in the rain and my first gel manicure, sitting outside my room, staring at the jungle. Really being here. Receiving it all, soaking it all up, a baguette sponging white wine sauce.

After turndown service, lying in my king-size bed, legs wrapped in crisp, starched white sheets, I heard a voice say, “Move over already. Let me drive sometimes. I want to show you all the places we can go.”

So, I’m taking this all in, bringing it home with me like a souvenir. Practicing recognizing opportunities and receiving them. Slowing down to lean into my intuition.

It feels like a dance, the universe moving with me, twirling me in its arms, as I laugh with my mouth wide open. And of course, showing up fully for it all.

Honoring whatever I might feel - tension, anxiety, fear, excitement, pleasure, curiosity - and seeing emotions as data that points me to myself. And as a part of this weird and wonderful human experience (I want a full-fat, full-flavor life).

I can trust myself, life, and my creative process. And that creates freedom, a sense of play, awe and wonder, and a different and new way of being with life. And it’s cool af.

This is a lifelong practice, a way of being in relationship with life (and myself) and it feels fucking magical, The NeverEnding Story mixed with Witches of Eastwick (I am of course, Cher).

This is the ultimate creative act: designing my experience of life.

And it feels like I’m a newbie, just getting started (at fifty! Jesus).

We get to start again. Design again. Burn the pages of an old script. Stomp on scenes that no longer work and write ones that do.

Create a new choreography. Put on a leopard leotard and Nike headband, jump, fall, bruise, pirouette, laugh, sweat.

Practice getting caught mid-air, over and over, in a lake, life acting like Patrick Swayze in Dirty Dancing.

We get to design our experience.

Keep creating,