Field notes on being stinking, filthy rich

Hello Reader,

I was in the energy of hundreds of millions of dollars.

Yesterday, I sat in meditation, being guided through what it would feel like to hold and be in the energy of an increasing amount of money. First, I picked a number, then tripled that amount, then 10 times, then 100 times, which landed me in the energy of hundreds of millions.

I looked around me, the backdrops lush and lavish, with flashes of my apartment in Paris, candlelit drinks on the roof overlooking the Arc de Triomphe, and my villa in Italy, surrounded by rolling hills and a crystalline pool, rather than neighbors.

But what I’m doing isn’t a million miles away from where I am today.

I’m still animated by my purpose, unleashing creativity to build a better world, and guided by my core values of freedom, creativity, and connection.

The creative playing field has expanded. It’s wide open for elevated partnerships, literary agents, mind-bending collaborations, and creative retreats and artist residencies in my renovated barns in Italy. I allow the edges to be fuzzy, but felt. I 100x my impact. As others destroy, smashing principles like a 1990s TV set in a rage room, we build. We create.

There is one big difference: I move more slowly and more softly. I’m in the emerald green field behind my Italian villa, wearing a silk white shirt, high-waisted linen shorts, and a big floppy hat, playing with my Golden Labrador, Ampersand, picking daisies, the sun rubbing blush into my cheeks. The scent of lavender and basil is in the air. The grass tickles my toes. I languish and savor.

Since I don’t have to worry about making money to survive or succeed, I move with a lightness of being. I am pulled toward what I want to create, moving slowly so I can receive all that’s here.

Rest is receiving. When we slow it down, we receive.

Usually, I’m speeding out of fear. This has to get done now. I’m trying to get to a safe place, so I can finally rest and enjoy. Rushing is the pace of fear. Fear is such a liar, an inner Trump gaslighting us into following it so it gets to run the show.

When safety, survival, and success are a given, there is no need to rush. I’ve already arrived. There is nowhere to go. I’m here. Since I’m not striving, pushing, or trying, I relax and receive life, as it is right now.

I touched this feeling in my meditation. Desire replaced duty. A pull more than a push. I savored the moment like the slow shuck of an oyster, velvet softness in salt water; the ocean held in my mouth for a moment.

I’m always arriving. I’m already a success. I don’t have to roll in hundreds of millions to give myself the space to languish and receive life. I can do that right now. But I need to catch myself when I’m sensing the rushed notes of fear. “If I don’t finish this project as soon as possible, I might not make it. I can’t go to lunch today, I need to get this done.”

If a calendar block opens, I fill it, like playing Bingo with competitive, leather-skinned residents of a Florida retirement community. Scarcity, a fear of losing or not making it, spitting as it shouts, “Hurry up or you’ll miss it!”

We don’t get to enjoy our days when we’re being pushed by fear. This life is a gift and the best way to show gratitude is to receive it. To roll it around in my mouth like caviar my tongue pops against my palate, making the salty taste linger.

The hard truth is that nothing is stopping me from doing that right now. I get to choose trust and ease. It’s not even about the pace. It’s the energy that drives it. Often, I’m a ball of frenetic energy. My therapist tells me to honor this fire and not try to become a full-time monk.

When I’m creating, I get lost in a passionate flow, but it’s driven by desire, not dutiful fear. When I’m afraid I won’t make it — whether that’s a steady and increasing income or reaching my potential - I move fast and miss out on what’s in front of me.

I can’t help but think that a life well-lived releases into trust and the unexpected. Flowing with life, allowing its current to take us. Letting go of the algae-covered rock and floating into the frothy unknown. Allowing ourselves to be okay with not knowing, trusting the current will take us to the right shore again and again.

Imagine what might happen when we show up, savor, and open to what’s coming next, without knowing what that will be? Without trying to wrestle uncertainty to the ground like a Lucha Libre wrestler? Imagine the freedom that comes with this release. Shoulders dropping, jaw unclenching, breath deepening.

I don’t know about you, but that’s how I want to live my life from here on.

Rolling in the energy of millions wasn't a snap-your-fingers-and-everything-changes moment. But it showed me that this feeling is possible right now, without fuck-you money.

When I got up from my buckwheat seed cushion, I felt lighter. I moved more slowly. I made a matcha latte, watching the oat milk froth, releasing a sweet, creamy grass scent. I sat at my new table in my garden, wrote in my Composition notebook, allowing words to form like three-legged horse cloud shapes, and savored a moment in the sun.

Because I’m always arriving. I’m already a success. I won the Earth lottery, and I get to creatively direct my experience while I’m on this rock spinning at 1,000 mph in one of 200 billion galaxies.

And so do you.

Keep creating,